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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in Weird Church Experiences' LiveJournal:

Thursday, April 14th, 2011
4:05 pm
[akktri]
Disturbing moments at the University Bible Fellowship
A keynote speaker at a small bible conference gave a speech on Jesus' death on the cross. His glass of water became empty, and he said, "I thirst." I found this to be in extremely poor taste. The fact that some poor sap ran to get the glass refilled like the Devil were after him made matters worse.
I went to their house church Sunday after Sunday (after going to a real church just hours ago - they twisted my arm) and they never once gave me communion. That was all very well and good until I went to one of their retreats, and all of a sudden a pair of them donned graduation robes and started passing out cups of wine.
I mean, it's not the matter of not having communion every Sunday, it's the matter of suddenly having it without warning or the slightest explanation of communion related doctrine. WTF.
I have other gripes against the UBF in addition to this, but they're not weird enough for this community.
Except for that one time I was having a bible study with Noah and his wife decides to potty train the kid right in front of me.
Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
2:29 am
[akktri]
Responsorials
Greywolfangel shares this strange church experience:

"When I lived in a small town, I went to a small church, and for the most part it was a regular Southern Baptist church. Unfortunately, however, the youth ministry was very small, and not very active, and I always felt like an outsider there. Regardless, determined to come to one of their events, I arrived a little late, and walking into the room, I saw the 5 or so teens in a circle with the youth pastor, and all of them chanting incomprehensible things and swaying in a circle. I kind of got freaked out that I'd joined a cult, and decided to leave before anyone noticed me. I found out later they were attempting to emulate the Catholic practice of responsorial psalms, but from someone walking in on the practice from afar, it seemed like they were possessed cult members."

Pretty strange, all right.
2:26 am
[akktri]
Weird church story
Shaddiewolf shares this experience about a strange happening at his church:

"When I was younger I used to attend a small church down the road near my home. The people were fun, friendly, and great to be around outside of church, but during actual church-time...that's when the freakiness started.
EVERY single Sunday the pastor would do his sermon, blahblahblah, nothing wrong there, but then after that there would be worship ceremony and the people would get SO 'into' it that they would huddle together in circles, babble things in tongues, yell, moan, touch one another on the head and cause others to fall over on the floor, cry a lot, laugh uncontrollably, dance around, etc. And everyone would be making so much noise that it literally sounded like a freaking mental hospital in there.
On a youth trip with that same church, the same thing happened, except all of my peers (my friends) did this stuff. They would chant and sway and cry for literally hours during every worship service we had together... And the guitarist would play until his fingers bled but he would keep playing and there would be blood all over the guitar. Ugh.
Scarred me for life prolly. No wonder I don't take kindly to church anymore Dx Even though I understand now that what those people were doing was an inappropriate use of the gifts, and my parents were smart enough to know when enough was enough (we moved churches later on). Still bothers me to think about it though, and it bothers me now whenever I see anyone cry or do ANYTHING unusual or uncontrollable in any church."

I'm not sure I can believe the bloody guitar thing, but who knows? It might have happened.
Thursday, December 11th, 2008
1:02 pm
[akktri]
Off Target
The pastor at the small church I attended often did things that didn't quite fit her target audience.
*The congregation consisted of roughly 20 adults, and 2 children, yet we all had to participate in the Lava Lava Island vacation bible study program. The church was decorated with Tiki and various other faux Hawaiian items, restroom doors were marked with Hawaiian words for `men' and `women...' And nobody there was actually Hawaiian.
*There were only two children in the group, and yet we all had to sing "This Little Light Of Mine."
*In December, the pastor set out a menorah on the altar. It was cute, especially since it was a Noah's ark menorah, but A. None of us or our visitors were Jewish. B. I don't remember going too in-depth with the whole Hannukah thing.
1:02 pm
[akktri]
The Polar Express
The Christmas Eve service at the small church I once attended was the strangest Christmas eve service I've been to in my life. While distracted by my brother's girlfriend going to the hospital to have a baby, it did not erase the female pastor's bizarre sermon from my mind.
She read from the book entitled "The Polar Express," which had been made a movie at that point. At first, it was going okay. Her point about the boy and his sleigh bell that could only ring when he believed in Santa was passable. I wasn't too wild about comparing God and Santa, since it's easy to prove that Santa doesn't exist, but I thought that part had potentual in some way, shape or form.
But then she said that God brought Jesus on a train. I'm guessing it was supposed to be understood as a metaphor about Jesus being a gift to all humankind, and God bringing him, but...she made it sound like Santa brought Jesus to us on the Polar Express. She cried a lot, which made the sermon even more muddled and confusing. Yes, I understand Christmas chokes you up, and so does the Polar Express, but there's something to be said for rehearsing.
1:01 pm
[akktri]
Double sipping and preemptive budgetary meetings
I don't usually go to the Lutheran church a couple miles from my house, but they had a 11:00 contemporary service and I was too tired to go to a 10:30 that day. So I came in and the service seemed normal until we went to communion.
I'm not used to having tiny little metal chalices to drink from, but it didn't bother me when the altar person handed me the tray. I took a cup and sort of awkwardly drank it at a time I probably wasn't supposed to, but I didn't know any better. Well, right after I sort of sipped it a little and stopped myself, the pastor comes by with the big chalice and offers it to me. What? I already have one. Are you blind? So I wave the cup at him and he walks on. That was embarrassing. I felt really bad about myself, but it wasn't completely my fault.
Well, then, somewhere before the benediction, this treasurer guy from the church stands up there and tells us that they need money for the organ fund. Um, I don't know about you, but unless your church is completely bankrupt and they're planning to bulldoze the church tomorrow, you don't interrupt service for relatively trivial minutiae like this. I came to the service to worship. If I wanted to know more about how much it costs to keep the heaters running, I'd stay after church and go to the meeting. Or I'd wait after the last hymn when they generally have announcements. I've sat in a cold church before. It's okay. Let me worship, please. Tell me about it later.
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